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by aimforthedogstar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-08 01:13:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16419599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimforthedogstar/pseuds/aimforthedogstar
Summary: Sirius and Regulus have a completely honest conversation for the first time and the brothers realise just how wrong they were in regards to one another.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** 11  
>  **Disclaimer:** Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.  
>  **Notes:** This is my first fest and I am so glad it was in tribute for my favourite HP character, aka, our beloved badass punk-rock Sirius Black, so please enjoy.

Sirius understood a lot about life once he stepped foot into Hogwarts. As time went on, he realized that what his home was, where he came from, what home really should be like, what his parents were, what they believed and chose to represent in the society wasn't morally right. It often irked at his conscience so much so that Sirius could disregard all the teachings his blood family bestowed upon him and the painful memories from his early childhood. It was easy most days. There wasn't anything in those times lost, gone with the waves of time, nothing in them he held dear to the heart, nothing worth remembering and reminiscing. That's what he told himself. It was easier to lie and fool himself most days and not ponder too long on the matter. But there were times, like when Sirius was too restless or too shaken up to sleep or had had one too many at the bar late at time with no company except his own mind or when devastating news had come through in the war regarding the death of a comrade, his thoughts wandered off to dark corner he rarely ever allowed himself to examine within the recesses of his own mind.

Within these corners, he knew that not everything in his childhood was dark and tainted, not everything was painted with pain, there were some memories, that perhaps in another life could be fondly remembered as the source of light and warmth in all the dark of his childhood. Those warm memories were associated with his brother Regulus. But these recollections hurt Sirius more than the more twisted and abusive remainders. Sirius never had expected anything else from his parents apart from all the nightmares they had given him, but he never imagined such sorrow to be evoked within him by his baby brother Sirius had once loved above all else.

He was a year younger than Sirius, sorted into the rival house, the perfect picture of everything Sirius never was, the good and obedient son, as Sirius was often reminded.  
There was a time when the brothers were as close as magnets, absolutely inseparable. Although in retrospect, Sirius muses, it was more the naivety and innocence of childhood that twined together and held their relationship strong suppressing the cruelty from seeping in. There was a time when the two boys had laughed together, played together, drew comfort from one another and spent all their time together.

These memories are bittersweet to Sirius now, as the boy that once looked at his elder brother with wonder in his eyes and placed absolute trust in him was long gone. Their once pure relationship was tainted and corrupted by their own parents due to their varied beliefs, bigotry and long-held prejudices that managed to rip apart the two boys far enough to place them on opposite sides of a war. To pit them against one another, head to head, as they stepped on the battlefield staking their lives to causes bigger than themselves. Now all that existed between them was hatred, resentment, hurt, anger and betrayal. Although there was the comfort in Sirius' life in the form of his self-made family, James, a brother by choice; Lily, a sister he never knew he needed; Peter, an amicable friend; Remus, a friend with the kindest heart Sirius knew, that had grown into something more over time and most importantly Harry, his beloved godson. Sirius loved and treasured his little family beyond all measures but he always carried a sense of loss, deep within him, that came with the loss of his brother by blood.

Sirius and his friends were part of the generation that was pushed to fight a war long since approaching, for a cause that Sirius firmly believed in but the cost of the war stacked him against everything his surname stood for.  
As the days went by, as the war worsened, as Sirius felt his innocence die slowly as the war got more gruesome, as he saw and experienced all the horrors the other side stood for and doled out, it plunged a cold dagger deeper and deeper within his heart everytime Sirius remembered that his brother stood among the atrocious acts and the ghastly morals the Death Eaters preached.

The fight between the Light and Dark worsened and just when it felt like the Dark was winning, there came a manner of reprieve within the valuable knowledge by a turned Death Eater to the Light that managed to turn the tables and win the war in favor of the Light. The triumph didn't come easy, it wasn't quick, it wasn't pretty and they suffered more losses than they could digest and sacrificed all that they had but ultimately they won.

Sirius was unaware, within the throes of turbulent times, the exact nature of the exchange of information that came to them at the opportune time nor was he aware of the identity of the Death Eater who took the risk, but the times were such for those in the Order that they clung to their slipping sanities and small reliefs desperately that what didn't concern their efforts directly went unnoticed.

So when the knowledge was made known, wholly to Sirius within the secretive warded rooms of the Order's latest headquarters, it threw Sirius' life for a whirlwind. The knowledge that it was Regulus, who took a stand all on his own, took the ultimate risk and fought for what the Light stood for was something that made Sirius feel happy and relieved as well as confused and baffled at the same time. Regulus has gone into hiding after his meetings with Dumbledore, kept safe away from the fight for his own safety that no one else for aware.  
Soon Sirius was handed a letter from Dumbledore which contained the location of his brother's whereabouts and a message relayed that Regulus had asked after him.

As Sirius stood with this new revelation before him, the churning of emotions within him, the questions racing through his mind and the source of the answers within the location concealed within his arms, the hope that Sirius had thought long since dead, rekindled within his heart that whispered that his brother was not lost.


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius apparated on to a land lush with green grass and mud scented with rain. As he stood there and looked around, he saw the horizon lined by hills and dense forests but the immediate area around him was flat and he could make out a small, slightly run-down cottage at a short distance. The cottage itself looked innocuous enough, but Sirius was filled with trepidation and anxiety at the sight of it, for within it, it apparently held a balm for wounds, long ago endured, but the agony as fresh as a daisy even today.

Sirius contemplated himself for another moment, shook his head and made for the cottage with sure strides and soon found himself climbing the small steps and in front of the run-down front door, hands poised to knock. Sirius blinked and hesitated for a moment, then rapped at the door sharply. There was a small scuffle beyond and the door flew open.  
Regulus was now stood at the entrance and had the air of a man who was wary, relieved and apprehensive at the same time. For a minute, the brothers stood stock still gazing at one another, eyes roaming all over as if to ascertain the reality of one another.

Finally, Regulus broke the silence.

"Brother," he said with a nod and stepped away from the door, allowing Sirius entrance.  
Sirius followed after, entering a room that was sparsely furnished with a beaten down sofa, a couple of armchairs and a small table all set towards Sirius' right, a kitchenette in the far right corner and a hallway to his left, where Sirius assumed the bedroom was.

He looked around, pondering on the little knick-knacks, refusing to meet Regulus' eyes.

All that Sirius had felt, all that he had to ask, to say, had forsaken him and he was suddenly feeling extremely awkward stood in a room with his brother, not knowing how to break the ice. It was awkward because what can one expect to say or do, when two people who have gone through so much, where a relationship is so twisted by one's own unfounded assumptions, where the animosity and bitterness has taken roots and festered and grown so deep over the years, what words would make all that hostility disappear, what actions would one take to make everything alright again.

Regulus seemed as clueless as Sirius did on how to approach the conversation. He moved towards the hob, saying as he did so over his shoulder, "Do sit down Sirius, I'll get the tea."  
Sirius moved towards the sofa and sat and watched his brother rummage around the kitchen. The scene before him was a little surprising to Sirius as he had never before seen his brother cater to his needs by himself, he had always ordered around Kreacher for that and Sirius had always thought Regulus wouldn't know his way around the kitchen to save his life, because Sirius himself didn't when he had left home. It was Mrs. Potter's patient teaching that had taught Sirius how to sustain himself.

Soon his brother was done, brought over a tray with a tea set and a plate with biscuits, set it on the table and played mum pouring the tea.

"You still take it black with two sugars, don't you?" questioned Regulus, gazing up to meet Sirius' eyes properly for the first time since he'd arrived. Sirius nodded his assent and Regulus hummed, "Good, at least some things haven't changed." He passed the cup over the table closer to Sirius but he didn't make a move to pick it up, still gazing at Regulus thoughtfully and finally murmured in a low voice, "No, I guess not. But a lot of other things have."

Regulus looked hard into his teacup clasped firmly within his arms on his lap spoke in a small voice reminiscent of a little boy Sirius remembered very clearly, "You were right, mon frère."

Regulus took a deep breath and continued, "You were right about our parents, about our family, about Vol-Voldemort and the Death Eaters. You were right."

Sirius huffed a little under his breath in disbelief. How long was it that Sirius had wanted to hear those words. And he did feel ecstatic to have that wish fulfilled but couldn't quite help the small flicker of anger that rose forth and replied, a little condescendingly, "Well, I am finally glad you figured that out, Reg. And don't get me wrong, I am glad you found it in yourself to do the right thing in the end, but it took you a bloody long time figuring it out."  
Temper rose in Regulus' eyes but he quickly stamped it down and uttered in a voice with forced calm laced through it, "Well, I probably deserve that."

Sirius, for some reason, felt indignation rise as a result of Regulus' calm demeanor and bellowed, "Yeah! You bloody well do. You deserve a whole lot more."

Regulus could see that Sirius wasn't going to make this easy and still in a calm voice carried on, "You may be right, I haven't exactly been ‘brother of the year' in a while to you but-"

Sirius cut Regulus off and in a sarcasm-laced voice added, "Gee, you think?"

"I am trying to make amends with you, Sirius. And here you are, as always, incapable of discussing things like a rational adult would," Regulus snapped.

Sirius huffed the laugh and mockingly stated, "Oh, you want to discuss things rationally, do you? Huh? Okay. We'll do just that. Talk about things in a calm and composed manner. Let's see, yeah. Let's talk about how you behaved with me after I left home. How everytime I tried to talk to you, you rebuffed me with not so much as a second glance. How you acted that my very touch would poison you when you found about my sexuality, how you claimed that I was dead to you and not bother anymore before I left Hogwarts or how about when we met on the battlefield and you didn't hesitate for a second." Sirius' voice had steadily grown louder with each word and he had found himself standing from his earlier perch, towering over Regulus as he spoke, body poised for a confrontation although, with his last words uttered, all malice swept away from Sirius countenance, to be replaced by a broken visage and croaked, "You never hesitated Reg, not even for a second, so had this miraculous epiphany not happened to you, would you have gone through with it?"

All through Sirius' angry diatribe Regulus found himself sinking deeper and deeper in his chair, tears prickling at his eyes, as he had no defense to offer to Sirius for his actions after Sirius had left home. He knew he was in the wrong, but it hurt to hear Sirius' question, he wouldn't have gone through with it, he couldn't even imagine it. And that thought was what had initially seeded doubts within his mind regarding his loyalties.

So he set his jaw and looked up and locked gazes with Sirius and swore, "No! I wouldn't go through with it. I couldn't go through with it. I know the mistakes I made Sirius. And I am not trying to justify anything, Voldemort was a corrupt power-hungry bastard! And for all the grand words he weaved, he didn't care who lived or who died. And it didn't matter, did it? Whether it was a pureblood, or a half-blood or a-a mud- a muggle-born or a house-elf. It didn't matter in death. It didn't matter in war. They were all people, who had loved ones, a family, children and friends and jobs and-and a li-life, Voldemort didn't care about any of that. You may think that the Death Eaters deserved what they got, and maybe on some level they did, but they were also human beings. Voldemort didn't spare anyone!" 

"I know that Reggie, I knew that. I always knew that" echoed Sirius, still standing.

There was a beat of silence as neither brother knew what to say next.

"I am not gonna lie to you, not after everything, not now," started Sirius with a hollow self-deprecating smile on his face, "It hurt Reg. It hurt that you chose them and it hurt that you began to hate me on their orders, it hurt that you could just forget everything about us and just-just-" Sirius cut off, turning away and pacing the small room.

"And you think you never hurt me," Regulus slowly rose, breathing hard and speaking in a low voice well laced with venom, "you don't think it hurt when you wouldn't look at me after my sorting and when you did find the courage, oh, mighty Gryffindor, it was with a look of disappointment aimed at me. You don't think it hurt when you would aim at the Slytherins with your stupid pranks with your little posse, that you so quickly discarded me into the group that was ‘the evil snakes'. Don't think of yourself as so high and mighty Sirius."

Sirius was a little taken aback by the venom and sting in his brother's words and growled, "What I did may have been wrong, but what you did was worse."

Regulus laughed a high, humorless laugh and hissed, "I did worse! I DID WORSE! YOU LEFT. You walked out on me. You left without a backward glance. You found whatever it is you found with your little merry band and suddenly you didn't need me, did you?"

Disbelief marred Sirius' senses and he voiced it by saying, "Is that what you thought? That you didn't matter to me? You daft idiot, is that what you thought?"

"That's what the evidence suggested didn't it?" Regulus added, "Till you went off to Hogwarts, it was always me and you against the world. But then you left, and when you came back, it was no longer me and you, was it? It was Potter this, Potter that and Lupin an-and Pettigrew and Gryffindor and nasty Slytherins and all that. I was no longer a part of your world, not anymore. You found something better and you abandoned me." Regulus said, breathing hard.

Sirius reeled back as if slapped hard across his face, "I never abandoned you, you drew away from me. You looked at me differently, you started to look at me like they did. Like I was committing a great crime or had come out wrong or something. And then you began to heed more and more to Mother and Father's words without question and then you started acting like I was the enemy. You failed to notice that I was never your enemy. My fight was against them and not you. It was never against you, don't you get that. You're right, I left. Because if I had had to stay within that-that house with those two, I would have fucking lost it and done something I would've regretted. So I left for my own sanity. I needed to escape. But there hasn't gone a day where I wish you could've escaped with me. Where I wanted you safe from them. So that's my regret, I know I should've tried harder, I could have done better by you but you didn't exactly make it easy did you? I know where I failed and I know what it cost me, so don't you dare, not for a fucking second, don't you dare tell me I abandoned you because if I could have done it differently, I would have within a heartbeat. So don't you dare." Sirius was breathing hard at this point with a storm brewing within those grey irises at the accusations laid on him by Regulus.

Regulus, in a low voice, conceded, "No, I never made it easy on you. And that's my regret. Because its been you. It's been only you whoever wanted the best for me." Regulus huffed a small laugh and plonked down to sit and continued, "For what's it worth Sirius, I no longer blame you. I shouldn't have in the first place. You're right. You did what you needed to do for yourself. I get that now. After everything. I get it. But at the time, I guess it was just easier to put it all on you. The reason why there was never peace in the house, the constant screaming and fighting and hexing. Hell, we couldn't even get through one meal without profanities exchanged across the table. I just wanted a normal family, Merlin! I so wanted to believe we were happy." He smiled a little rueful smile up at Sirius and added, "We come from a really messed up family, don't we? It's a wonder we are all functioning members of the society, you'd think we would all turn into raving lunatics who go on murder-sprees and need to be locked up, huh?"

A startled laugh rose from Sirius and soon both the brothers were resolved into a fit of giggles.

Sirius sobered up and chimed, "For what's it's worth from me, baby brother, I really am proud of you for what you've done." Regulus just smiled a gentle smile. Sirius couldn't help but tease, "You have a lion's heart after all, you know."

Regulus rolled his eyes skyward and rather haughtily replied, "Don't insult me, Sirius. What I did took the sneakiness and cunning of a true Slytherin, of which I am very proud."  
Sirius smirked, "See, I think it had more to do with bravery. Admit it, Reggie, red would be a better color on you."

"For your kind information, I always hated red," Regulus replied with a hint of mischief in his own eyes.

Sirius gasped in mock horror and demanded, "Take that back!"

Regulus let out a chuckle at his brother' dramatic antics and sat back more comfortably on the couch. The conversation went on for a while, and just like that, the heated argument turned into playful banter, full of snark and bite as always was between the two. The air wasn't crystal clear between the two, not yet anyway. But the promise of one another to each other and the promise of time was just enough for now.


	3. Chapter 3

Warmth engulfed within Sirius as the dream of having his brother back solidified into reality before his eyes. And Sirius, as bone-tired and weary as he was from the war, couldn't help but feel a little more alive and hopeful at the colorful, joyous prospects of the aftermath, for all the people he loved, safe and alive and recovering and one day, to begin living as they were meant too.

For Regulus, a thought long since sat in his mind, from a book he had read, had never made sense to him until this day. It had said, " _Home is where the heart is_ " Regulus finally understood that home was not a structure, but a feeling, of being loved and needed, of being cherished and celebrated, a safe place and a recluse, a place to retreat at the end of the day, a cocoon of security. And for all of his, the one person who always to emanated the feeling of _home_ was his older brother Sirius. And Regulus was glad, that he finally found his way _home._


End file.
